Newsletter | 04 March 2019
The Good Worker Guide to Being Your Bestest Self

How to brag about how busy you are.

So you’ve been living your life, going to work, running errands, keeping up with friends, visiting family, trying to get those new year’s cards out. What a whirlwind!

Too bad none of it matters! That is, unless you advertise how overwhelmingly BUSY and PACKED your days are to anyone within earshot. As everyone knows, how busy you are is directly proportionate to your societal importance and ultimately your fundamental value as a human being.

Don’t know what to say? Not to worry! With these tactics, you’ll soon be the envy of all your peers.

Find an opening.

When someone asks, “How are you?” simply reply “busy” or “super busy” or “pretty busy, but that’s a good thing, I guess.”

Don’t give details. Your tone should be slightly world-weary with an undercurrent of smug self-satisfaction. They’ll be so impressed!

Expand your vocabulary.

Reflect all the magnificent facets of your harried existence! You can be swamped, overwhelmed, exhausted, or stressed out. Your life can be crazy right now, totally out of control, or absolutely hectic. You can be working hard, pulling all-nighters, or out there hustling 24/7.

You have no time.

When someone asks to make plans, immediately sigh and say you’re not sure. If you’re in person, you can even show off your fully-booked calendar as a visual aid.

If you do squeeze them in, be sure to mention how stressed you are about not currently doing the million other things you need to be doing.

Or, if you really want to wow them, just never be available to make plans again.

Join the big leagues.

Thanks to social media, it’s even possible to broadcast your busyness to far-flung friends and complete strangers. They may seem busy themselves but remember: You are even busier than they are.

You work nights and weekends, while on vacation, you never see your kids, you have to answer email while walking your dog, writing your daily to-do lists gave you carpal tunnel syndrome so you have to dictate them to a virtual assistant who needs an assistant themselves!!

When you’re alone.

And finally, if you’re ever all alone with your thoughts and you need to affirm your sense of self-worth, you can always comfort yourself by listing all the things you have going on in a long, silent, endlessly evolving, constantly compounding mental loop. You’ll feel better in no time!

In the end, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing or how you do it, it only matters that other people know that it’s A LOT.

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